I broke down today. I gained everything back, and then some, and I can’t even button my pants. My discipline and spirit are gone and I need to start over.

Hey guys. My name is Pat. I don’t know what all I’m allowed to share on here, so I’ll keep it sort of impersonal and maybe post pictures when the scale starts going the right direction.

I was a success story in my little hometown. After going from 300lbs freshman year to 210lbs junior year of HS, my life had changed. My confidence changed. Although there was some serious dysmorphia, I liked who I was and what I looked like.

I don’t want to make you read my whole damn life story so I’m gonna fast forward.

College came around and brought stress and my serious emotional attachment to food with it. My kitchen was gone. My trainer (dad) was gone. Quickly, I developed a disorder of binging and purging food that devastated my life. Here I am, 26 years old, at 365 pounds (~165 kilos). I got a pic of myself and a pic of the scale. I couldn’t believe it.

I couldn’t even button my American Eagle flex shorts this morning. They are flex and size 40 and won’t button. I know some of you have been here; I don’t mean to throw a pity party but I feel downright worthless.

I gotta get my life back. I’m tired all the time, and winded, and honestly, I’m afraid I’m gonna get type 2 or have a damn heart attack really soon.

To be honest, I don’t know why I’m writing this. Maybe accountability, maybe for someone to tell me it’s gonna be okay and I don’t have to hate myself and life change is possible. But man, I have been looking back at old pictures.... and I can’t believe I was that guy. I can’t believe I used to run and eat healthy and be so disciplined.

I fell apart. My life has fallen apart.

Well I’m starting calorie tracking to do CICO today. And I’m headed to the gym to see if my body remembers anything about being in shape.

If you read this far, thank you. I could really use your encouragement. Here’s to a longer life, and pants that button.

-Pat M/26/5’11” 365lbs (~165 kilos)

submitted by /u/hugs112
[link] [comments]

from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2pnnohy