So mad at myself

I lost 30lbs at the beginning of the year. I quit drinking, started eating better, and forced myself to get 10,000 steps everyday even if that meant marching next to my bed at 11:45pm until I got there. After 80 days of sobriety I decided to start drinking again, just once a week. That was a huge mistake. I would drink one night and eat, a lot, that night and e next day. I would gain a few pounds and then spend Monday through Friday losing those few pounds. Then I would do it all over again. Drink Saturday. Eat Sunday. Repeat. So I was stuck in a vicious cycle. Eventually I stopped losing those few pounds I’d gained after my drinking night. And then I started drinking more. And eating more. Now I’ve gained back 20 lbs, I can’t stop binge eating, and I always feel like crap. I had a costume party last night and looking at the pictures makes me depressed because I look so fat. I’m getting married next October and I do NOT want to look or feel like I do now. I need to start eating better and exercising again but I cant seem to get motivated to start everything up again. It was not fun or easy the first time so I don’t know if I’m mentally prepared to start everything again.

submitted by /u/kccruge
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