What 10 Months of Weight Lifting Has Done For Me

1 Year Transformation

(NSFW, literally just pulled my leggings down for the picture lmao)

A little over a year ago, I decided I needed to make a change. I broke up with a boy who manipulated me and made me feel awful, I lost a lot of friends, and felt really, extremely low. I hated how I looked, thought I was worthless, and was willing to do anything to change that.

So I started trying to lose weight by drastically cutting calories. I ate anywhere between 900-1100 a day, fearful of going over 1200. I took it to the extreme in order to see results, and for the first while it worked. I did HIIT, yoga, walked everywhere, and practically starved myself because I wanted to be skinny.

Last May I decided to start weight training to avoid becoming “skinny fat,” and realized how weak I was. I couldn’t even hold myself in a plank for more than 20 seconds. I had lost all of my muscle I had built from all of my years of high school sports. Buuut, as time went on, heading to the gym to work out went from going for aesthetic reasons to actually, genuinely loving the feeling of working out and getting stronger. I realized that in order to get stronger I had to eat more, and it terrified me. I bumped my calories up to 1300 for a few months, then 1400, then 1500, and was relieved once I hit my “goal weight” because that meant I could finally feed myself again, but was terrified of gaining the weight back.

In the process of losing weight to see some arbitrary number on the scale, I destroyed my relationship with food. I binged, attempted to purge, and hated the binge/restrict cycle I found myself in. Slowly but surely, I accepted the binges as they came, and slowly started eating more—and now I’m eating anywhere between 1800 and 2500 on any given day, depending on my hunger. I’ve stopped weighing and tracking food, counting macros, and started eating intuitively, and it was the best decision I’ve made.

Now, I’m eating freely and enjoying my workouts because of how they make me feel during and afterwards. I’ve gained more strength than I’ve ever had before in my life. I’ve gained confidence and love for myself. Whenever I enter the gym I feel empowered and strong and feminine. I can squat and deadlift 1.5x my bodyweight, and bench almost 100 pounds (so close!!). I can do handstands and pushups and pullups. I’m the strongest in my aerial silks class. I have incredible amounts of energy & my focus has improved tenfold. I’m still working on my relationship with food, but I’m getting there.

Weight lifting has changed my life. It’s terrifying at first, but don’t let lifting heavy intimidate you. Focus on you and what exercise and building muscle does for you, not the number on the scale. I’ve gained weight since hitting my “goal” weight and I’m leaner than ever, and that’s the least of my worries these days.

Start today, I promise that you won’t regret it.

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