I'm so glad I stopped lying to myself!

TL/DR 10,000 daily bad choice !I! made got me where I was, no one else but me, and with those same 10,000 daily choices I could make a change.

39F, SW 353, CW 273. I have lost 80lb so far and I'm so proud of myself. It has been almost a year since this journey began. It all started when I look good look at myself and I don't mean in the mirror ( because I avoided that as much as possible).

For a long time I told everybody I was happy and comfortable with who I was and what I looked like. I put on a happy face and smiled when I noticed I was the biggest person in the room, in every room it seemed. And I said to myself that was okay because I'm happy with me. But last year I realized that although I might be happy with me I was not happy with what I had done to myself.

I had allowed myself to believe it was not my fault I looked the way I did. I blamed it on a number of things; I had bad genes, I had a nagging knee injury, I was dealing with family issues, life is stressful and chocolate has antioxidants it's good for me. But I had also allowed myself to believe that my weight was not effecting my health.

I had lied to myself to believe that I was not to blame. I had to come to the realization that nobody had made me fat except me. Nobody was to blame, nobody did this to me, It was because I had made the choice. Not one big choice,I'm going to be fat! No it was 10,000 little choices, every day, 10,000 choices to not get up, or to eat more or to do less. but when I came to that realization that also meant that I had 10,000 choices every day to do the right thing. The first choice was to admit I had done this to myself. Nobody had made me fat, nobody had made me unhealthy. I had done it all myself.

With that epiphany I decided to make a change. I would make better choices, eat less, move more, own the choices I was making. Knowing that with each little choices I was making was a choice to do the right thing for me and my health. When I looked at it that way it was much easier for me to deal with. I wasn't trying to loose 200lb in one act. It would be a journey of 10,000 little choices each day.

That mind set has been so helpful, if I stumbled or have a bad day, it's okay because I have so many more opportunities to do good and make healthy decisions.

Side note: Writing this has been very therapeutic for me. Thank you.

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